


They say death is like a dreamless sleep. For the dead one, maybe. But for those who remain, it’s only the beginning of an everlasting nightmare

by Myo_sis



Series: From inevitable death arises the most feverish feelings ever, which is a blessing for cold-hearted and tortured creatures like humans [2]
Category: Gintama
Genre: Angst, Death, Gekijouban Gintama Kanketsu-hen: Yorozuya yo Eien Nare | Be Forever Yorozuya, I hope :'), Implied Relationships, Love, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Spoilers, Time Travel, okikagu hints, omg let's stop this tagging mess here, omg tagging is so hard, this is my first time dealing with tags what's happening, time travel should be forbidden itt's a pain, well technically they are but you know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-03-29 21:56:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19028722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Myo_sis/pseuds/Myo_sis
Summary: This is inspired from Yorozuya yo Eien Nare. So major spoilers, careful :3Part 2 of the series.-After several exhausting days for Gintoki trying to catch up with the new timeline, he finally confronts his future self, and kills him.But this time, he's not alone in the building.Hijikata is here too, and as he arrives to help, he stumbles on his lost lover bathing in his blood.





	They say death is like a dreamless sleep. For the dead one, maybe. But for those who remain, it’s only the beginning of an everlasting nightmare

**Author's Note:**

> Henlo!  
> This is my first time writing something in english, so, it's probably a mess. and i'm terrified :,) oh and actually it's my first fic ever :,) so even a bigger mess.  
> I feel like I could modify it forever... like there is always something wrong with it.. (which is probably the case)  
> BUT I kinda had fun writing it -AHAHAH, 'fun'- so I hope you'll like it!  
> (I'm sorry for everything, especially for the weird grammar omg)

Ugh, what a day. Gintoki laid down in his futon. Although he had slept in the same futon the night before it still felt like it was 5 fucking years ago so, weird. He rolled on his side to glance at the moon and wrinkled his nose at the nasty smell of dust. Yes, it was his house, but it was empty and dark and smelly, and it felt like anything but home. He closed his eyes.

Maybe he should get some sleep. The last 48 hours had been exhausting, mentally and physically. He could have never imagined that people dear to his heart could one day feel like strangers, like he knew nothing about them. He frowned and rolled on his other side.

Flashes of the last two days started to burst in his mind. The level of stress he had undergone was unreal. Like, seriously? In less than 10hours, he had discovered his own grave, the city he loved in ruins, his house abandoned and empty, the fact that HE was the instigator of the whole freaking apocalypse and when his kids had arrived, well…His kids for god's sake. Gintama is supposed to be suitable for all audiences you know? They had grown so much, into strong and beautiful and- fuck, if he spotted any weird fanfiction or fanart featuring Kagura… he could become violent. He shook his head, an unpleasant shiver cooling him off at the thought. God knew how much the fans were perverted.

He rolled again, laying on his back. The house was so quiet. Kagura and Sadaharu had left the house long ago, and he did not really know where they were sleeping. At first, it has scared the hell out of him. But then he had remembered that he was supposed to be dead and that himself couldn’t have stayed in the house if Kagura or Shinpachi had died. He shuddered at the thought and rolled on his belly. Fuck what time was it already? He gave a look at the dusty Justaway but the latter’s battery was long dead. He closed his eyes again.

Slowly, he felt like he was slipping into sleep. But he just managed to fall deep into a recap of what he had witnessed the same day, since it was easier for the author.

*

*

*

That day had been more pleasant than the first one. First, he had got his kids back, and that was the best that could have happened to his mental health (bless Sadaharu). Although the atmosphere was odd between them, he had felt less a stranger to this world while walking at their side, Sadaharu visibly giving him the love he hadn’t been able to give him for 5 years.

Then, right. The mind-blowing discoveries were back.

First, Gengai sentenced to death? Then, Katsura had turned Takasugish? Gorilla wasn’t at the head of the Shinsengumi anymore, what was happening? If only he knew, that was only the beginning. When Sougo had made his entrance, Gintoki had suppressed an admiring whistling. The boy wasn’t actually a boy anymore, and he could clearly picture people calling him daddy now. Nice glow up for his S pal. Then came… oh wow what the hell was that? Elizabeth…ok… that was a concept. He had never really understood the thing in the first place so… oh. And there he was. Ugly as ever- damn what with the hair? And those clothes? So Hijikata Toshirou had some sense of fashion finally... Gintoki had stared at him way too long before getting in action. He wished he could have stared a little longer though. So many things had changed in him, why was that? A broken heart maybe? But before he could think more about it, another thought struck him. What were they all doing together? He stopped moving and watched, with considerable dismay, both the Shinsengumi and the Joui fighting together to retrieve their leaders. What. Was wrong. With this. Fucking. Timeline.

*

The night after that, they all met up at the Shinsengumi and Joui’s (or whatever their organization was called now) place. And absolutely everything became weirder.

Honestly, although he was trying not to show it, Gintoki was overwhelmed. All these people, he knew them. Nevertheless, he was feeling like a total stranger, who knew nothing, and this loss of control was getting on his nerves.

Kondo and Shinpachi’s relationship was… brutal. Visibly the Gorilla was still a stalker but Shinpachi had been really aggressive. And then, the mayo freak. The latter had laid his arm on this shoulder and gotten so close, talking to him without losing eye contact. The perm head had felt like his piercing stare could read into his soul. He hadn’t discovered who he was right? No, he wouldn’t be so close otherwise ahahah what the fuck. The tax-thief had gotten tactile, maybe he had lost his virginity -and the stick in his ass by the same occasion- during the last 5 years. On the brighter side, having him so close allowed Gintoki to take a closer look at his face. His hair had gotten messier, and his V-shaped signature bang was gone. That hair was actually how he had handled his perm while being in his body during the soul switch arc. The silver-haired man stood still with this thought, not knowing what to do with it. Gladly, the Demonic Vice-chief gently got him out of his torpor by blowing his smoke at his face. He grimaced, disturbed by the intense blue eyes that still hadn’t left his. Damn, he would never understand that man.

After that, Kagura had left and the serious expression on her face made his heart ache. The lively and always ready to party Kagura he knew was gone. He watched her leave the room, fighting against the urge to rush after her to hug her. He needed a drink.

*

A few drinks later, he had already forgotten why he was here. He should have sought informations, tried to catch up, something. But the task was so huge, he had no idea where to begin. Honestly, he was overwhelmed. By literally everything. That might have been why he had such a low resistance to alcohol tonight. Arm in arm with a random guy, he was laughing hollowly to a joke he hadn’t even heard. There were so many people surrounding him. But he was feeling awfully lonely.

He made a hazardous jump on his feet, his bladder screaming in agony. Fighting against the dizziness, he somehow made it to the main hallway. Supporting himself against the wall, he lurched into the dark. Most of the time bathrooms were at the end of dark hallway, right?

\- I guess, he mumbled for himself, suppressing a hiccup.

\- That’s not what I’m saying, asshole! But…

Gintoki froze and leaned against the wall. He knew the voice. Oh. Kagura? She was back? His happy drunk-self grinned and he opened his mouth to shout her name.

\- He makes me THINK of Gin-chan. You should have seen Sadaharu, he…

The silver-haired samurai immediately closed his mouth, feeling suddenly much more aware. Who was she with?

“Oi, China.” Oh. Sougo then. “Stop it already, you’re spouting nonsense. Actually, you sound like Hijika-“

\- Shut up idiot, can’t you listen for once, I swear you hmph...!

Eh? What was that? He leaned a little closer. But all he could hear was rustling of clothes and labored breathing and… oh wait. What were those wet sounds. It couldn’t be… OOOOOOH.

A vein popped on his temple. _Calm down Gintoki, they’re adults you know? And you technically aren’t here so just go away and pretend nothing happened ok?_

\- Let go…

“Wow, you sound so serious right now, like you really want me to let you go, I am actually gonna let you go since, wow- Ouch!!”

Ouch. Well, on the bright side, Sougo stood zero chance against his Kagura so, nothing to worry about.

\- Stop it with your sarcasm. You might not have noticed but I was being sincere here. Tsk, what was I even thinking, opening up to you…

Ouch, again. That might have been even more painful than a punch.

Suddenly he heard footsteps coming his way. He turned around and rushed in a corridor adjacent to the main one. His vision was blurry, but he was out of sight. But he also was still close enough to hear Sougo’s answer.

“He’s dead, Kagura. Make a pilgrimage to his grave, leave a parfait or something and move the fuck on. Oh and, take Hijikata-san with you. Seriously it has been more than 5 years. The two of you should get a life back don’t you think. Not that I care, eh.”

According to the light footsteps, Kagura had left without a word. A few seconds passed, and he heard Sougo sigh.

He stayed against his wall, in the dark. That was a lot to process, and he wasn’t sure he had understood it all. The only thing he knew for sure was that he had sobered up, and that his bladder was about to explode.

*

Gintoki stumbled into a very drunk Yamazaki peeing next to an also very wasted guy (a Joui maybe?). He should have thanked them for their loud drunken laughs that had led him here. But he was in a _very_ approximative mood, so he chose a cabin so he could be alone with his thoughts while peeing. The two guys haven’t even remarked his presence.

\- No, KA-GU-RA, you know, the *HIC!* Yorozuya kid!

Damn this guy wasn’t talking, he was SHOUTING.

“AHhhhh yes, Kagu *HIC!* ra, well, we hadn’t seen them in a while” Yamazaki replied.

Wherever he was going people were talking about them. He needed informations but he already had had so much, let him fucking rest already.

“The last time we *HIC!* saw them was before the funerals, something like 2 years ago”

\- They didn’t *HIC!* go to the funeral? Yamazaki had a weird laugh, a huge hiccup and continued:

“Oh, no. Neither the Yorozuya kids nor the Vice-Chief were there *HIC!*”

There was a pause. Gintoki was feeling so empty yet so heavy. He had no idea how to interpret this. What was going on with the Mayora? Visibly he had had a hard time accepting his ‘death’. But, since when did he care about his life? Back in his timeline, the two of them were constantly bickering. Although they had had great fighting together moments and funny drunken encounters, they remained rivals, no? So why was he getting these weird vibes? And why was his heart beating so fast?

He was definitely missing something, and he suppressed the urging desire to kidnap Yamazaki and to-

“Cuz you know, they couldn’t yet. *HIC!* The kids have never accepted his death *HIC!* and the Vice-Chief he, *HIC!* ah, I shouldn’t be telling you that, since *HIC!* no one is supposed to know but, *HIC!*

Gintoki was s w e a t I n g. Drunk Yamazaki was a blessing and a curse.

“They well, I know it because I am a skillful spy, *HIC!*”

THEY WHAT? Speak already you useless Anpan-lover! Gintoki grasped the hem of his yukata in frustration. He was shrieking inside.

\- They were rivals?

“AHAHAHAHAH *HIC!* Yes but at nighttime they-“

\- I’m stopping you right here, Yamazaki. We can hear you two blaring from the other side of the building. Lucky youuu Hijikata-san isn’t the one who heard you,…

Tsk. Gintoki couldn’t see him but he was easily imagining Sougo’s shit-eating grin matching his bored voice. He also pictured the terror of Jimmy-kun who apologized profusely.

\- Yes, yes. You know, the Vice-Chief is a sensitive person, you wouldn’t want him to come sobbing at your feet, do you?

“N…No Sir!”

\- Great. I am the only one who could have this privilege. So, shut up and leave.

“Yes Sir!”

… Gintoki’s head was emptier than ever. He heard Sougo take a piss, wash his hands, and sigh. He surely was sighing a lot. Then, he left, leaving him alone in a dazzling silence and with a thousand questions shrieking in his head.

*

He needed some fresh air. He headed towards the balcony, ignoring the joyful and loud men partying in the main room.

The night was fresh. Gintoki took a long breath and spotted Katsura. He wished he could talk freely with his comrade. He didn’t know what was hurting him the most. Seeing his friend feeling guilty because of him? Knowing that he was responsible of the pain in his eyes? Or fighting against the insane urge to tell him everything?

Katsura seemed so confused and... sad. The perm head quickly understood why as they started talking about Gintoki’s last work before disappearing.

…

\- The Enmi.

Katsura’s eyes widened.

“You fought in the Joui war?”

 _Damnit! Act natural!_ The time traveler kept his gaze far ahead, hoping for a miracle.

\- I know them too.

Ah, here was his miracle. Gintoki stared at the Vice-Chief, ignoring the weird feeling building in his stomach.

\- They used a magic called Kodoku,

Has his voice gotten hoarser?

\- …and they apparently have caused enormous loss within the Joui.

He had bags under his eyes. Still working too much, uh?

\- But their magic turned out to be tiny robots called nanomachines…

Or maybe wasn’t he getting enough sleep.

Wait, why was he even caring? He hadn’t heard the end of his sentence. He forced himself to look away, repressing a blush like a fucking teenager.

“Wait, have you investigated Gintoki’s death?”

Gintoki blessed and hated Zura for asking. He shivered, a knot forming in his throat. Haha, no way Hijikata would have lost time over this. And wasn’t the two of them supposed to work together now? Zura should know if the Shinsengumi had investigated his death, no?

Oi, why was the Mayora taking so long to answer??

The latter took a long drag on his cigarette and started talking, staring vacantly into space.

\- I was in the police forces back then.

What was he thinking about? It was obvious that the Vice-chief was staring at souvenir. But his eyes were glassy, and his voice was…softer than usual. Gintoki intensely stared at him, more confused than ever. The latter let his head back against the wall and continued while keeping his eyes shut:

\- Of course I’d investigate if somebody had been supposed dead.

…Well, technically, no. The Shinsengumi’s role was to protect the bafuku.

Ah, his brain was boiling. But at least now, he knew who his enemy was. He had a lead. And seeing Zura trembling with regret and sadness gave him an incredible strength. When his broken voice had mumbled a ‘You shouldn’t have borne that burden alone, Gintoki’, something inside Gintoki broke, and a fire arose in his chest. He was burning with anger, sadness and determination. He would fix things up. And he would erase all the pain and the bitterness he had witnessed in all of the people he loved.

And this new vigor in him reached an ultimate and unwavering point when he held Otae’s feeble hand.

*

*

*

Gintoki’s eyes burst open.

He hadn’t slept at all.

He let out a long exhale, letting out of the remnants of his flashbacks. He was done lamenting. Maybe his mind hadn’t rested but his body had, kind of. He had plenty to do, and nothing could stop him.

 

Days passed. Everyone was helping and Gintoki was finally getting used to this timeline. He had shut his mind completely, stopped to wonder, and just worked hard. He had now perfectly blended in his character. An old friend of Gin, nothing more. He had shut all of his personal desires and fears. He had somehow succeeded to lock away everything that was harassing him. And he was now just focusing on his mission.

*

*

*

_But that sinister hand of yours will one day take the ones you hold dear, and crush them to pieces. Such is the cross demons bear. Devour everything you hate and all that you love, and cry your heart out as you're left alone in this world._

*

Gintoki bit his tongue. _Stay sane you ass, there is still plenty to do_. He cast a last glance to his future self he had just impaled with his sword. A shiver ran down his spine. The view was eerie, fascinating and _wrong_.

He must have looked a little too long because his heart started racing in angst. He turned around and left his dying future self, the latter’s indications on repeat in his head. First, he had to find the robot.

*

At the same moment, a few floors below, a black-haired samurai carrying a large bazooka was running. He was alone, for now. When Gengai had been stolen, he had first averted the Yorozuya and Gintoki’s friend. Then he had made a call to Kondo, since their enemy was powerful. Hijikata being the closest to the Terminal, he had rushed in without waiting for backup. The Yorozuya kids were in there. He had to go, he had to make sure they were safe.

The whole building was silent. All he could hear was his breathing and the sound of his shoes hammering on the ground. His head was weirdly empty. Long ago, he had violently associated the chase of the Enmi with Gintoki. Henceforth each raid had been a hassle : he had to fight with nerve-racking thoughts while staying concentrated on his mission. _What if Gintoki was at their mercy? Maybe if they finally caught them, they could tell where Gintoki was? What if they were wrong? What if the Emni had absolutely nothing to do with Gintoki’s disappearance?_

But at the moment, no thoughts were to be heard in his head. Maybe… Maybe, his subconscious had voluntarily shut these thoughts down to protect him. To protect him from false hopes. To help him stay _sane_.

That didn’t mean he had given up, no, that was not an option but… it was like being on autopilot. He was a body with a sword and a bazooka, ready to fight senseless. Senseless… that was a pretty good adjective to describe what he had become. An empty man feeling nothing, accustomed to the despair ravaging him, familiar with the loss, the longing and the emptiness.

Suddenly, he heard a loud noise. According to the muffled sounds, the battle had to be few floors above him. He sprinted, trying not to worry too much for the Yorozuya kids. They were strong, but he couldn’t stop worrying. They were all he had left…

He climbed stairs for what seemed like fucking hours and finally arrived at what seemed to him to be the right floor. But he couldn’t hear anything anymore. Was the fight over? He searched the whole floor but didn’t find anything. He sprinted back to the stairs and went up. His heart was beating into his ears. He breathed deeply and entered cautiously in the main room. The amber rays of the sun were filling the large room. Immediately, the smell of blood tightened his throat. He slowed down, progressively filled with fear. An unknown fear taking him instinctively.

And, he saw him. He dropped his bazooka which hit the floor loudly.

Hijikata, losing completely his temper, rushed to the side of the white-haired dying man. He kneeled next to the lost samurai, too overwhelmed to notice the pool of blood in which he had just dived his knee in. He was too obsessed with the sight of his lost lover to remark anything else around him. Gintoki’s eyes were half opened and an ailing smile raised the corner of this reddened lips. The Vice-Chief abruptly sized his hand into his. He was dizzy, in a dreamish haze. He squeezed the fingers relentlessly, shoved them against his cheek, to make sure that all of this was _real_. And then he felt. The hand was freezing cold but it was made of flesh. He was not dreaming. Tears of relief, panic and fear started to dampen his eyes.

\- I knew it... I fucking knew it, I’m here now, I...

There was a sob in his throat that he couldn't hide. Gintoki coughed, spraying droplets of blood on his coat and slid in his blood against the stairs.

Hijikata's heart missed a beat, and he tried to help him stand upright, but the dying samurai fell limp in his arms. It’s at this moment that he noticed the blood. The surreal, terrifying pool of hot blood, pulsing from the ripped aorta of the man he loves. How was he still alive anyway? They were bathing in blood and the cloth of the weird apparel he was wearing was soaked in red.

Everything went fast in Hijikata’s head, as his brain was analyzing the situation. The information must have been too hard to process, since his mind shut and all what mattered in this mind ended up being, once again, the face of the man he had just recovered.

Gintoki, despite the deep numbness caused by hemorrhagic shock, must have noticed to what conclusion Hijikata had come to, and he smiled faintly.

\- Oogushi…kun…

Gintoki’s closing eyes irradiated with a warm feeling as he spoke. That only lasted a few seconds, but that was powerful.

Toshi would have never imagined how happy he could be to hear the nickname. Because it was associated to his lover, and because it was his voice that had said it. 5 years that he hadn’t hear the husky voice he likes so much, 5 years of hoping hearing it again and…no. That feeble and deadened voice couldn’t be his lover’s.

It sent a shiver down his spine. He got closer, leaned tenderly toward him and dared to smell him. He had missed his smell so, so much. But the scents of blood and death were way too overwhelming for Toshi to fully appreciate it. Trembling, he encouraged the white-haired samurai to resume talking, squeezing a little more his fingers between his.

\- Gintoki...

His tongue, lips and larynx were blessed to be given the chance to form the cherished name once again. Hijikata unconsciously made sure to savour the feeling and to etch it in his everlasting memories.

\- Gintoki, how, I…

He had so many things to tell him. His mind was shrieking and Gintoki’s name was the only word his lips could form correctly. He repressed a sob, seeing that his words were not reaching his lover anymore. The latter already seemed far away, and Hijikata bluntly realized that he couldn’t be selfish. Gintoki was the one who needed help and support right now, and he _had to_ be strong, for him.

\- Gintoki, just… Gintoki. I’m here.

This time, his voice was surer and steadier. Deep blue eyes looked for crimson ones but could only find brownish iris soaked in blood-shot eyes. This sight made the heart of the Vice Chief race. The face of the absurdly strong and irritating samurai he had ended up falling in love with was so pale. His skin was now as white as his hair. And, all along his jaws was an unknown writing which was continuing on his neck and lower, hidden by his clothes. Maybe this should have triggered him, but all what was important to him was Gintoki. His dear, lost Gintoki. His cobalt eyes were searching, hysterically running on whatever glimpse of Gintoki they could catch. It has been 5 years, 5 devastating and painful years and now, he was given the chance to embrace the man he loved once again.

But… realizing that it might be the last time, as blood was soaking more and more the cloth of his pants, Toshi started hyperventilating, as Gintoki’s breath was fading. No. _It can’t, he can’t-_

His heart started to pound into his ears, and the hand that was still resting close to Gin came finding his face. His fingers were shaking on the ivory skin. Suddenly he couldn’t find the crimson eyes anymore and started panicking.

\- No…no, keep your eyes open, Gintoki, Gintoki wait, please, I…

And fuck being strong and holding it together, he was long done with it. If he couldn’t see anything anymore, it was because of the thick tears that were flooding his eyes. He promptly wiped his eyes and crushed his body against his lover’s, in desperate need to get more of him, more of his body between his arms, more of his scent, to feel more of the love flooding between their chests. The black-haired man, whining, linked their foreheads and cupped his face between his two hands, seeking his lips, craving for a kiss. But. When he had left Gintoki’s hand to cup his chin, the latter’s arm had fallen heavily next to them. And… he couldn’t feel any breath coming from the parted lips that were so close to his.

_No._

Hijikata felt like his blood temperature had radically dropped. Ice was racing through his veins, and little by little, his heart constricted in his chest.

A sob shook his throat, then a second, a third. Soon enough, Hijikata was crying like he has never did before. Tears were rolling relentlessly on his cheeks, landing on Gintoki’s lifeless face.

All his senses were _burning_. His inundated eyes who have been craving the sight of his lover for so long were melting into his skull, since what they were forced to see was intolerable. His hands were squishing the limp body like crazy. His aching skin wanted to feel him, to feel the usual heat of the lively man he loved. His ears were buzzing since he couldn’t hear the voice he was craving to hear anymore. His tongue and lips were trembling, and he had somehow managed to drove them to the corpse’s mouth, in a desperate kiss getting no answer. Hijikata was hopelessly trying to get back the sweet taste he loved to much, with no success. His mouth was only filled with his own tears and his throat was knotted by sorrow. And all what his nose could inhale was the cold and ghastly smell of blood and _death_.

Death.

A clinking in this aching head brought him back to his senses. Death…

Death. He knew the word. He knew it well. He had stood alongside it since he was born. They were actually quite familiar, death and him. Death was part of his everyday life. He had grown not to be afraid of it, quite the contrary. He had become a strong and impressive, feared samurai. A bold and fierce samurai was not afraid of death. He was _flirting_ with it, until it was time to _embrace_ it.

In that case… why was he so weak, vulnerable and _devastated_ by it this time? Why? What was this cold, this scorching ice in his heart, in his chest, in his head? Why was everything so fucking painful?

He had not come this far in life to feel his kind of atrocious pain, he didn’t want to, he just _couldn’t_ bear it. He was Hijikata fucking Toshirou, he feared nothing, and his only master was his Commander, Kondo Isao. He needed nothing else in life, he had the few people he cared about in the Shinsengumi, and he had lost the love of his life years ago and had overcome it all. Nothing, nothing could, nothing was _supposed_ to devastate him that way… this pain… it had to stop, that was not him, he couldn’t be feeling it, how to make it stop?

Why was the death of the man between his arms so painful? Painful enough to make him collapse, deeply challenging who he was, or more who he thought he was.

\- IT CAN’T FUCKING BE!!! He screamed, violently hitting the ground with his fist.

Another loud complaint left his throat as he screamed in despair and he buried his face into white locks. He was now completely slumped on the lap of the dead samurai, both of his knees sliding in blood. His hands, up to then grasping the crimson cloth, were now latching onto the peculiar hair.

He hadn’t spent 5 years of longing and emptiness to get back to him for seconds. No. That was impossible. Gintoki was the strongest man he knew, the bravest the kindest and the fucking dearest to his heart, that was impossible. They had had so little time. So little time together. Gintoki had disappeared barely months after their first intimate encounters. This little time had been enough for both of the men to acknowledge their feelings and fuck each other senseless a couple of times but… that was not enough. He could _not_ leave him again, not so fast. He had so many things to tell him. If only he could kiss him. Their relationship lacked words most of the times, most of their desires and feelings for each other travelled from one another through their bodies. But they couldn’t even share that now.

Because Hijikata’s body was shaking and had lost all heat of life and was as cold and empty as his lover’s corpse.

Slowly, the loud sobs faded. Only a faint breathing and a little whine every now and then was disturbing the heavy silence in the building.

Now, the realization, the pain, the rage, all of that was gone. Only a buzzing void remained. Hijikata was left only to his faintly beating heart and his burning senses, clinging desperately to Gintoki’s lifeless body.

Oh, he had dreamed about this moment. Fuck, he had spent sleepless nights, horny or desperate, dreaming of this moment. The moment he could, once again, squeeze the muscular body against him. Smell, hear, see, taste and _feel_ all of him once more. It had been his fuel. Each frigging morning since the Yorozuya had literally vanished, dreaming of meeting up with him again had been his fuel.

And now, here was what was remaining of his dearest dream. A limp, lifeless and frigid body bathing in its own drying blood. And here he was. Hijikata Toshirou, the Demonic Vice-Chief of the Shinsengumi, miserably clamped to a corpse, whining like a hurt animal.

*

At the very same moment, not too far from the scene, stood a silver-haired muscular and healthy man with a cock head. This same man had tachycardia and his eyes were so bulging that they had become watery. That was the reason huh? He wasn’t crying because of the scene, no, no, no way. Especially that, well, actually, WHAT THE FUCK?

Gintoki had never been this astonished in life before. The fact that he had just traveled through time and seen a world devastated by his future self should have been enough of a great shock, hm? The last fucking mind-blowing days he had lived should have been enough of a GREAT SHOCK, no? Well, no. That, _that_ , what he had just witnessed, was the most fucked up thing he had ever seen in his life. It has been five good frigging minutes but still, he had still no idea of what the fuck was going on. During that whole disturbing scene, he had been hiding behind a large pillar. And since the beginning, he was frozen on the spot.

At first, he had felt like he absolutely didn’t belong here. Like he was witnessing something forbidden, or harshly violating the intimacy of two unknown men. And he wished he hadn’t heard the sound of the bazooka falling on the ground, so he had never come back here to witness such scene. Because once he had realized that, no, these two men were not strangers, but his future dying self and, damn, Hijikata Toshirou, his brain had just stopped functioning. And he guessed that it was why tears were silently running down his cheeks without exactly knowing why.

His soul was on autopilot.

If his brain wasn’t feeling any pain, he knew that, deep inside his heart, his soul was shrieking.

This was probably explaining the shaking hands and the sour tears alongside his cheeks.

Even when the sobs of the Demonic Vice-Chief of the Shinsengumi -god this sentence was _wrong_ \- had stopped, and that the silence was back in the building, he couldn’t move. There was this eerie feeling in this body that was making him feel dizzy. This feeling that was whispering to his ears that he didn’t belong here. That that was wrong. That he was violating laws, witnessing something forbidden. Something _wrong_. All day long he had been witnessing his future, and it had felt -weirdly- ok. But this? This was too much. Back in his timeline, he would have never believed anybody telling him that he and the Vice-Chief…No. That was not possible. So why. Why those tears, why those unbearable moans coming from the black-haired man?

\- Hijikata-sa……

Gintoki startled and almost revealed himself. Who…?

His sore body rushed deeper in the dark to hide from the person coming in. He felt dizzy and his head was spinning so he grasped the pillar like his life was depending on it.

\- Hijikata-san.

 _Sougo_.

The long-haired man, a serious expression on his face, dropped his bazooka next to Hijikata’s. He walked slowly toward him, and as he was getting closer, his eyes widened.

Gintoki could hear his sick heart beating into his ears, and it was like he was discovering the scene all again. Sougo kneeled next to the two men, an unreadable expression on his face. Gintoki was seeing through a deep haze. He saw Sougo slowly caressing the face of his dead self, to close his eyes probably. Then, he laid a soft hand on Hijikata’s shoulder, who barely budged at the touch. The touch was so tender. Gintoki would have never imagined he’d witness such gesture between the two men. Sougo might have grown more mature during the last years of course but… he seemed so sincere and touched. Gintoki couldn’t stop himself from thinking that it might have been because Sougo knew. Whatever it was between Hijikata and him, Sougo must have known.

\- Hijikata-san. Get up. He’s dead.

That was too much. Gintoki felt like a lightning had hit his body and started walking backward, his eyes still wide on the scene. Then he started running. He almost fell, so he turned around and sprinted.

Those were and would be the weirdest minutes of his whole damned existence for sure. His breathing became erratic as he started panicking. He had totally forgotten his mission. His future-self had warned him on the procedure to follow. He had to get back to the android, and fast. He had to make sure his past-self disappeared, so the world could go back to normal. He had to forget what he had just seen. _I don’t want to forget._

His perturbing thought forced him to stop as he felt dizzy once again. He leaned against the nearest wall and grasped his silver hair trying desperately to recover a normal breathing.

_I don’t want to forget. I want to live and to discover what lies ahead for me._

His tachycardia and labored breathing were back. That was not like him. He didn’t deserve to be selfish, to wish for things. He had a mission, for the sake of his loved ones. He just couldn’t let these thoughts distract him. He pulled his hair, fighting his loud mind. Flashes of the scene he had just witnessed were flickering in his head. _Hijikata._

He felt like his insides were parted, between the past-self that knew nothing and wanted to forget or at least, to understand, and the future-self who _knew_ and was shrieking.

\- What is wrong with me… Gintoki whined, while continuing to climb the stairs, sliding against the wall for balance.

He emerged on the roof of the terminal and the dying sun greeted him with his tender and hot rays on his skin. Eyes closed, he savored the peaceful caress of the star and slowly recovered a normal breathing. He collected himself and opened his eyes. The camera-headed man extended his hand in his direction and Gintoki sized it.

It was ok. The past and the future-self wouldn’t tear him apart. Because he was still here, with his burning soul deep inside his heart, living the disturbing present. And he had a mission. He wouldn’t forget, nor deny. He would accept all the informations he had been given and move forward, like he had always done. All what mattered now was his mission, for the sake of the ones he loved. He would do what he had to do to protect them, at any cost.

 

Because it had always been his purpose in life, right?

**Author's Note:**

> Heeeere we are. I hope this wasn't too bad :,)  
> Thanks for readiiiing!


End file.
